Rules for Flash's survival
by Blue Eyes Angle 2
Summary: These are a few rules that Flash has to follow in order to survive the Justice League.


**This was something that came into my head. Sorry if there might be a few mistakes I tried to make sure that there were none. So don't get personal with it okay. **

**Enjoy!**

**Flash's rules on survival**

**Rule number 1. Don't sing Jingle bells Batman song when you're near Batman. Unless Superman is 5 feet away so you can hide behind him. **

"Jingle Bells Batman smells-Ah Help Superman he's gone mad!"

Flash runs behind Superman's cape and hides from Batman coming their way.

"Flash I have told you not to sing that song around Batman." said Superman.

"I can't help it." replied Flash.

Superman only sighed.

**Rule number 2. Don't switch's Batman and Superman's capes on them, unless you want to experience an end of the world crisis for yourself. **

**"**Who they hell switched my cape!" yelled Batman.

"What the-" shouted Superman.

Then a yell from both heroes was heard throughout the tower.

"FLASH!"

All you see is a red flash run down the halls of the watch tower and Flash's voice.

"RUN FOR IT! IF BATS AND SUPES ASKE WHERE I AM TELLING THEM I RAN OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH!"

**Rule number 3. Don't watch a scary alien movie and then have monitor duty with Superman or J'ohn. Did doesn't end well. **

Flash knew that he was acting stupid but he couldn't help it. He was curious and he could not stay in the same room with Superman if he had the fear that the Man of steel was going to eat him alive or laser his brain. In the end he decided to go for it.

"Hey Supes"

Superman looked up from his screen at the speedster starting at him.

"Yes Flash?" he asked**. **

"I was just wondering something?"

"What is it?"

"Do you ever just zap people's brain with your heat vision?" asked Flash.

Superman stared at him for a long time, he wanted to just say no, but that a wicked idea came into his head, probably from hanging out with Batman so much.

"What movie did you see" questioned Superman.

Flash knew what he meant and answered his question. After Flash answered his question Superman thought out the whole plan to scare Flash. At that moment J'ohn came into the room behind Flash.

J'ohn read Clark's mind and knew what Man of steel was planning on doing and decide to join.

"Well that's too bad." started Superman.

"What's too bad?" asking Flash getting more nervous.

"What you see, that movie is very much like the history of mine and J'ohn's."

"What"

"Looks like we'll have to get rid of you now, don't we have to J'ohn?"

Flash then felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned around to see yellow glowing eyes.

"Yes he's knows too much."

Next thing you know is Flash is running down the hall screaming like a little girl.

"Well that went well."

"Indeed"

**Rule number 4. Never have monitor duty with Batman. Your question will be answered that he does have duct tape in his belt if you do.**

The two heroes, Flash and Batman were sitting together on monitor duty, all was peaceful on till Flash spoke up.

"Hey Bats"

"What do you want Flash?"

"I was just wondering something, why do you hate that song so much?" he asked.

"What song?"

"You know that song I always sing."

"You sing a lot of songs Flash you're going to have to be more exact." said Batman.

"You know the song "Jingle Bells Batman smells Robin laid an egg!"

Next thing Flash knew was that he was being duck tapped to his chair by Batman. He tried to break free from the tape but it was too strong for him.

"Damn it what's this tape made out of?!" he asked.

"Its Bat tape." answered the Bat.

That's when Flash realized something. "You tricked me into singing that song."

Batman gave him an evil grin. "Superman is not here to save you now huh."

Batman kicked the chair and sent Flash down the hall.

"I always get my revenge."

**Rule number 5. Don't play the poking game with Shayera. **

Poke

That was the 10th time Wally had poked Shayera and she was starting to get annoyed.

"Stop it Flash." growled Shayera.

"I'm playing the poking game with you." replied Flash.

"Well I don't want to play so go do something else."

"But I'm bored I have nothing else to do." whined Wally.

"Well go find something to do and stop bothering me!" snapped Shayera.

Poke

"That's it!"

"AH!"

**Rule number 6. Don't play a DVD movie of Batman singing the song "Am I Blue" all over the watch tower. **

This was probably a bad idea but he had already decided that he was going to do it, so there was no turning back. He was on a mission and he was going to complete it even if it killed him. Hopeful it won't but it probably will since it involves Batman.

He run into the main control room and walked over to the center computer. Flash couldn't help but think how funny this was going to be. He put the DVD into the computer and connect the all the watch tower screens to play the same thing. Then pressed play and ran somewhere to hide.

Batman and Diana looked up at the TV screen to see Batman singing. Batman's face turned a slight shared of pink. He was going to kill Flash for his! He was about to get out his chair and search for him but he stopped when Diana place her hand on his.

"I love this song." She said with a smile.

Bruce stopped and smiled back at her. Maybe he let this one slide.

**Rule number 7. No, you can't drive the Bat mobile. **

"Can I drive?" asked Flash.

"No" answered the Dark night.

"Why not?"

"You don't have a license to drive."

Flash was quite for a few minutes before speaking.

"Does this thing even need you to have a license for you to drive it?" asked Flash.

There was no reply form Batman.

5 minutes later Flash crashed into a light pole with the Bat mobile. Batman glared at him from the passenger seat. Flash just gave a sheepish grin to Batman.

"I guess you do."

"You think."

**Rule number 8. Don't push a button in an alien space ship when you don't know what it does.**

Just a few hours ago an alien space ship had landed on earth in Ohio. The Justice League went to go pick it up and bring it back to the Hall of Justice where they could examine it first.

So there it was outside of the Hall of Justice being tested and examined by the best minds in the world. There was no life inside the space ship; it seemed to have come with no crew.

It was all going well until Flash showed up. He ran up to the space ship took a look at it and decided to go inside. When he ran inside there was only Batman at the main control dock. He didn't notice Flash. Or that Flash noticed that red button and decided to press it.

"What's this do?"

Laser beams came out and shoot the door of the base. Flash stood there eyes wide open and mouth open. It was at that moment that Batman noticed Flash.

**Rule number 9. Don't play fetch with Superman's dog Krypto, unless you can to figure out where the tree came from. **

Flash had made the mistake of play a game of fetch with Krypto, he threw a small stick for the dog and he came back with a huge tree. Now He was trying to figure out where the tree had come from.

"Okay seriously where did you find the tree?"

He had the Krypto lead him to where he got the tree to find a forest with trees ripped out from the ground. He looked at the forest than glanced at the dog, than to the forest and final the Krypto before saying.

"I am so telling on you."

Krypto put this head down.

**Rule number 10. Don't eat J'ohn's cookies.**

"Flash did you eat my cookies?" asked J'ohn.

Flash looked at J'ohn with a mouth full of cookies and tried to speak as best as he could without proof that he had a cookie in his mouth. (He was failing miserable.)

"No"

J'ohn just sighed and rolled his eyes.

**Rule number 11. When someone says take control of the Javelin, make sure you know who to fly the thing first.**

"We need to regroup." ordered Batman, Batman put his hand to him coma link "Shayera"

"Here" everyone looked at her confused and scared.

"What" she asked.

"If you're here, then you is flying the Javelin?" asked John.

At that moment the Javelin came flying past them going backwards! The six heroes just stared bewilder than rather going to help Flash. They all looked like little confused kids, with their heads tilt to the side and their eyes wide open. Batman was the first to come out of it.

"Okay new rule, Flash is not allowed to fly the Javelin alone." said Batman.

A chorus of agrees were heard through the six heroes.

**Rule number 12. Just because you are a superhero and the fastest man alive doesn't mean you don't need a licensee to drive. **

"So let me get this straight, you drive this car but you don't have a licensee? You thought that it doesn't matter because you're the fastest man alive." asked the police officer.

"Yep that's about right." replied Flash with a sheepish grin.

The officer looked at Flash than looked at GL in the passenger seat. "And you're all okay with this?"

"Don't ask me call the others, I just came along because he asked me too. He's not my problem till Thursday." replied John.

"Today is Tuesday."

"Then call Superman."

"I thought he got Monday's?" asked Flash.

"No, that's Batman."

"Oh"

**Rule number 13. Don't encourage the super villain, at all. **

GL and Flash were trapped in a cage hanging over acid; they were careless and got caught by their enemy. John could not use his ring because it was taken away from him before he was shoved in the cage.

"Now I will destroy you by dropping you in this acid." laughed the villain.

"Seriously acid that's so lame." whined Flash.

John looked at his friend shocked. Was he trying to get them out of this?

"Well what you suggest I do?" asked the Super villain.

"I don't know, maybe torture us or something."

"Flash" snapped GL. Forget his last thought he was so not trying to get them out.

"That's not a bad idea." replied the enemy.

"Or you know what be even more evil, if you knew our weakness and used them against us." suggest Flash.

"FLASH"

It was official from that day that Flash was never allowed to have a conversation with the villain or it be the end of him or the Justice League.

**Rule number 14. Not as funny as you think it will be to put whop cushions on everyone's seat before a meeting. It's like the eclipse all over again. **

"FLASH"

"THE TERRORS ARE COMING, THE SIX TERRROS OR COMING, EVERYONE RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!"

But sadly the six terrors brought their rather and by yet another rule that there shall be no whop cushions in the Justice League base.

**Rule number 15. You can't run in space, so stop trying. Just because you did once with GL help, doesn't mean you can do it again.**

Superman and Diana were working when Diana spotted something outside.

"Oh Hera." She cried.

"What" Superman looked out the window and shook his head. There outside again was Flash floating away in space.

Superman hit the speakers to the tower. "Could someone get Flash, he's outside the tower again.

**Rule number 16. You're not a lawyer so don't try to be one on an alien plant.**

Flash was probably crazy when he said that he be the lawyer on an alien planet.

"Do you have a witness?" asked the judge or what appeared to be the judge for Flash.

"Don't know, do anyone of these alien's not speak English or not look like they want to eat me?"

**Rule number 17. It's a lot harder than it looks to park the Javelin, so don't think you can in a very small spot. Batman was not happy when you hit his car.**

Superman was teaching Flash how to fly the Javelin, right now they were working on parking.

"Okay pick a spot and park in it." said Superman.

"Alright all pick here."

"That looks too small."

"Don't worry it be fine."

"Careful"

Crash, Crunch

"What we hit?" asked Flash.

"My car"

Flash and Superman looked out the window to see a very pissed off Batman. When they stepped out to see Flash's parking job they say Bat's car squished under the Javelin.

"Next time, park in a bigger spot"

**Rule number 18. When Batman starts to laugh like a mad man, YOU GET THE HELL OUT! IT ESPECIALLY IF HE IS NOT AN ROBOT OR IMPOSTOR BUT THE REAL BATMAN! **

"Has all area's been search?" asked Superman.

"Sector 8 is all clear." said Wonder Woman.

"Sector 10 is all clear." replied Shayera.

"Batman, Flash, what about sector 9?"

"Were still checking it out." replied Flash.

Flash glance over at Batman who was inside the cave. He had to be stuck with Batman and it sucked. The guy was still mad at him when he crashed his car and squished it with the Javelin.

"Hey Bats you ready to go, the others are waiting for our report."

"Ha"

"Bats"

"Hahahaha**" **

Was Batman laughing? No Batman ever laughs; he was the Dark night, the man with no emotion in his body what's so ever. But there he was laughing, and it wasn't a normal laugh, no it was a creepy laugh, maybe it was just creepy because it was coming from him.

"Um Batman"

"Hahahahahahahahahaha"

"I never heard you laugh before."

"Hahahahahahahahahahahahahah"

"You are creeping me out Batman!"

"Flash what's seems to be the problem?" asked the Man of steel.

"Batman is laughing."

"Hahahahahah"

"He's what?"

"Hahahaha"

"HE'S LAUGHING!"

"Okay Flash calm down."

"NO I WILL NOT CALM DOWN, I AM STUCK WITH BATMAN; THE MAN THAT CAN MAKE THE TOP CRIMINALS PISSES THEIR PANTS IN A CAVE! AND HE'S LAUGHING LIKE A MAD MAN; HE PUT THE JOKER TO SHAME WITH HIS LAUGHING SO I WILL NOT CALIM DOWN!"

"HAHAHAHAHAH"

"I'M GETTING THE HELL OUT OF HERE!"

Flash ran away from the cave at top speed, as for Batman.

"Okay I'm done."

**Rule number 19. Just because you think someone is a robot imposter doesn't give you the right to kick off their head because Red Tornado really is a robot, just not an impostor. **

"So let me get this straight, you thought Red Tornado was a robot imposter so you kicked his head off." said John.

"Yes"

"But Flash you seem to forgetting one problem." said Shayera.

"What's that?"

"Oh nothing, just that Red Tornado is really a Robot!"

"Well I found that out already now, why do you think I'm going to you guys." replied Wally with Red Tornado's head in his hands and his body at his feet.

Shayera and John stared to slam their heads on the table in hope to knock their selves out so when hopeful they wake up someone else would have handle the problem.

**Rule number 20. It's not okay to vibrate through every wall, unless you want to know if the rumors are true about who is together.**

"FLASH"

"OH MY GOD I AM SO SORRY!'

"GET OUT!"

Flash ran out of the room and tried to catch his breath in the halls well trying to figure out what the hell he saw.

Question and Huntress?

"OH MY GOD I WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO GET THAT IMAGE OUT OF MY HEAD NOW!"

**Rule number 21. Don't play with magical stuff when you don't have the slightest clue about them. **

Flash walked into the meeting room when he spotted something on the table. He walked over to it in interest like a 5 year old would when they saw a shiny new toy. It turned out to be some sort of orb; he picked it up with both hands and stared to examine it.

At that moment the orb shot out fire and sate the table, Flash freaked out and grabbed the closes fire extinguisher. When all was done the table was burned but not complete ashes. Now Flash had to hide because he knew there was going to be one mad Bat if he found this.

**Rule number 22. Nananananana Batman! Not an okay song to sing when Batman comes to the watch tower or Hall of Justice. **

**"**Nananananana Batman! Ah I'm sorry!"

**Rule number 23. Just because Batman's dog Ace is a puppy doesn't mean it doesn't hurt when he bites. **

"Oh what a cute puppy, ouch he bit me! "screamed Flash.

"Good dog."

"Batman!"

**Rule number 24. Don't throw parties in the Hall of Justice or watch tower. **

The six JL members had been through many things in there life, they had been to alternate worlds, died and even turned into pigs but nothing could prepare them for this.

Music was blaring, the place was getting racked and teens were dancing all over the place. The Hall of Justice was full of young teenage life.

"FLASH!"

Each member split up to find the speedster, Superman and Batman was half way through the crowd when they saw Flash and Green Arrow.

"Flash, I have told you no parties at all!" shouted the Man of steel.

"Oh come on Supes, you need to relax a little, GA doesn't mind." replied Flash giggling, showing signs of being drunk.

Batman glanced at the archer. "Arrow how could you let Wally do this?"

"Hey Supes and Bats about time you showed." Arrow mumbled.

Batman looked at Arrow than at Flash. "You're both drunk."

"Yeah pretty much everyone is."

Superman and Batman looked at each other. "Where are the others we are ending this party." said Superman.

Superman turned around to see Shayera and Diana on the tables dancing, drinking. J'ohn and John were partying with the others.

"Maybe this party was not a good idea?"

"Where did Batman go?" asked Superman, he turned around to have a boot chucked at his head.

"You suck!" shouted GA with Batman also getting drunk.

"Bruce, do not get involved with this." warned Superman.

"Shut up you Boy Scout!" snapped Bruce laughing.

"This was so not a good idea." mumbled Flash.

**Rule number 25. Don't play with the teleports; nobody likes to go to Greenland. **

Flash was in the control room playing with a bunch of different buttons because he was bored with nothing else to do. At that moment Green Lantern came into the room with an anger face.

"Flash stop playing with those buttons!" demanded GL.

"Why?"

"Because those controls work the teleports, you just sent Batman and Superman to Greenland."

"Oh, this is bad, I should probably go hide now." yelped Flash.

"Yeah, you should."

**Rule number 26. When Bat's tells you that he needs you to test something, you run away. **

"Hey Flash come here for a second." called Batman.

"Sure what do you need Bats?" asked the speedster.

"I need to test out the new teleports." replied Bruce.

"Oh no, I am not falling for this again, last time you had tricked me into testing them, well not this time find another test rat." snapped Wally.

"I'm not going to use you as a test rat; I just need you to take over the controls for me."

"Oh really, well if it's just for that." As soon as Wally walked on the teleport Batman pressed a button and next thing Flash knew was that he was in Green Land.

"He tricked me!"


End file.
